Saturday, September 14, 2013

Odd Bedtime Thoughts...

During the day, I go about my business in a normal way just like anyone else…and if I can make someone smile or laugh at some point during any day – great; if I can make myself laugh, even better.  As much as we may try to concentrate and absorb only the “good” in the world, we’re also still constantly bombarded by all the crap, ridiculousness, and head-scratching stupidity of the world – though we may try to ignore it for sake of sanity, we still absorb it too.
Case in point, almost every time my head hits the pillow at night to go to sleep (even if I’m dead tired), my brain says – “Hey! Not so fast!  We have some weird things/issues to ponder over!”).  Ugh! Ok.  It’s at this point that I’ll start to think about various things that usually involve the classic taboo conversation subjects – politics, religion, morality, money.  I just don’t know if I want to share any of those thoughts…as we all know, opinions are like assholes – we all have one and we think ours is the only one that doesn't stink.

Though, other times, it’ll just be weird things that pop into my head – for example:  If the word “Boo!” wasn’t associated with ghosts, would it still startle us when we heard it?  Has anyone ever heard of a ghost actually saying “Boo!”?  Also, why do people who say they don’t believe in ghosts also still get startled when they hear the word “Boo!”?  Hmmmm?  Yeah, stuff like this is what delays my nighttime slumber.

Other times, I start to envision myself in ridiculous scenarios – for example:  
for some reason, I’m both annoyed and humorously entertained when a famous musician will start to play a song, but stop and then tell some drawn-out story (usually sprinkled with bad jokes only they find humorous, but the audience will laugh at because the musician is famous) while they sporadically pluck out a few notes on their guitar or tickle a few keys on their piano.  Ten minutes or so later, they may finally go into the song they had started to play before they detoured into their pointless story…it’s so annoying, yet so cheezily entertaining.  Is the audience then applauding the story, or just that the story is finally over and the song finally beginning?  I like to think it’s the latter.  Haha!  So, anyway, here’s an example where I put myself into that scenario:

I throw on a cheezy, conservative sweater (or even a really horrible sweater vest over a turtleneck), grab my guitar, and head on down to the local watering hole.  I get on stage, perch myself atop a stool, cross one leg over the other, and stare out at the audience with a ridiculous grin on my face (just picture a really over-the-top Gordon Lightfoot-esque look and feel to everything).  I start to strum my guitar like I’m about to go into a full song, but then I softly chuckle, throw out a cheezy grin and change my strumming to a sporadic plucking of notes and announce to the audience, “I’d like to tell you about the time when I…”.  I begin to tell a meandering, non-sensical story in a soothing “soft rock AM-station DJ/NPR voice”.  At times, I throw in some witty punch lines that only I chuckle at – adding a few more guitar notes as exclamation points:

“…so, I stopped for gas, but got the runs!” *cue chuckle and guitar diddlin’*
“…so, my friends and I walk into the local church’s cheese sale.  I spread my arms wide open and loudly proclaim – “Cheese us!” *cue chuckle and guitar diddlin’*

“…so, I walk right up to that Grizzly bear and say – ‘Hey! Quit shitting in my yard!’…I live in the woods.” *cue chuckle and guitar diddlin’*

Then, about a half-hour or so later (having never actually gone into a full song), I just get up and leave the stage to confused applause.  I think to myself in that same soothing “soft rock AM-station DJ/NPR voice” – “Yeah, that went well…that went well”.

Yep, these are just a couple of my odd bedtime thoughts (don’t even get me started on the number of times I’ve been stuck thinking about the concept of eternal time and space…that’s a noggin’ knotter)…I’ll just blame it all on my bedtime bowl of Cheerios.

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